12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
