his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
