i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
