You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
