Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
