Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
