Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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