do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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