That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize