Someone shit on the floor
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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