Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
