Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
