Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
