Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
