I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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