I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
