I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
