I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
