Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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