Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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