If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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