hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
