You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize