Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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