I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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