I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
