Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
