I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
