oh fat girl friday strikes again...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
