Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
