you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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