I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
