I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
