i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
