I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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