i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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