; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
