i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
