Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
