is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
