she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
