the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
