I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
