His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
