Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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