I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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