Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
