I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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