I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
