So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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