Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
