I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
