Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
