you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
