Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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