I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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