the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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