If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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