I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
