I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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