watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
