I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
