My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
