ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
