i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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