I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was like eating out sand paper
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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