Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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