i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
