so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
